pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
