I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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