It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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