I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
