So drunk its hurt
Screwed.edu
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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