he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
