Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
