My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
