Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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