i don't like sucking hair
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
