if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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