the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
