FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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