I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
