Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
