I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
