Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
