he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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