Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
