Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
