...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You pole danced in your parka.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
