this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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