Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
