Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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