His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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