Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
