i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
how does that bad decision feel?
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