six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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