I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
