these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
