I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
