I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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