I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
