Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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