whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
