D3 body, D1 cock
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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