o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
