There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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