Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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