Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
