I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
FUCK WHALES
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