woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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