She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
