I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
