he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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