There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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