if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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