hell yes lets make some ravioli
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
