I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
