I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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